It seems that more than one person is at fault here. First, you have to assess whether you and your best friend have an equal, mutual, respectable relationship as friends. If he respects you as much as you do to him, then you can proceed with the ‘fixing.’
This is a sticky situation where there is more than just you and your best friend. There is the girlfriend, and the bystander friends. You need to come out on top, maintaining principle and integrity. So, you’re right in saying you don’t want to be that type of girl. Don’t be that type of girl. No one, including your best friend, will take you seriously ever again.
This is why you need to be completely open and fair about it. If he is truly your best friend, he will take the load off and discuss things further with you. If he doesn’t try to help, then he probably isn’t ready (or, simply not that great of a friend), and you should give him more time and space.
Tell him what you’re telling me. Find the right time (I assume you can), and ask why it happened, how he feels about it, and that you want to continue being friends. It’ll be out in the open, and a lot of pressure comes off with things being said aloud; it becomes less of a big deal.
But, if it comes that you want to be more than friends, you have to emphasize that nothing will happen whilst said girlfriend exists. That way, if anyone - including him - tries to put you down about it, you can take pride in saying all you wanted to do was understand what happened and let him know you don’t mean to intrude on their relationship. Everyone will respect you for that.
A couple tips:
-When you proceed with this talk of yours, make sure you go in with a pretty solid idea of how you feel. The worst thing that can happen is an argument because neither of you fully understands your feelings towards one another. So think carefully, and proceed with caution. Chances are his feelings will be slightly different than yours, so prepare for the unpredictable by knowing exactly where you stand.
-If you have any doubts about what I’m saying, think about this: Things will continue to be awkward if you don’t talk about it. Things will probably blow up in an uncomfortable way if something isn’t said to relieve the pressure.
Look, it’s clear you care for this guy. And if someone means that much to you, then you go about things the right way, for everyone. It’ll help you in the long run.
There is really only way of getting rid of the fear, which is to simply get over it — bare with me here.
Have you ever noticed that when you’re really mad, like really in a rage, nothing matters except for what you’re mad about? You’ll throw things around a room, scream in fury, and say things you don’t mean (but really do). That’s because when pushed to a point, there is an odd moment of clarity, where the mind knows no fear. There is no fear of what Sally or Joe will say; what kind of look you’ll get from Mary, or if Sam will scoff. This is the body’s way of telling you what really matters. This is where you need to be. At the root of the human mind - where rage and sadness and euphoria all boil - there is no notion of the irrelevant, condescending thoughts of others, there is only instinct. Trust in that ancient human instinct.
Also trust in the fact that — cliche, I know — life is extremely short. I can throw about twenty ‘YOLO’ quotes in your face, but I’ll spare you and say that just about everyone says they wish they did all the seemingly stupid things that were presented to them. They all wish they followed their ambitions. Because people’s opinions never last — self satisfaction does.
So while it’s hard to apply those principles in everyday events, the simple answer is to ignore your lame half as best as you can, and push yourself to sign up for seemingly stupid activities — engage in seemingly stupid acts, take advantage of seemingly stupid events. The first few times will be the hardest to push through, but like I said in submissions below, do it a few times, and it’ll become habit. You’ll thank yourself for letting that half of you go, and be very surprised at how people will actually react.
First off, not a dumb question at all. I had the same problem as you not too long ago. Therefore, take what I say with great weight, as I am ‘Exhibit A’ of what I’m about to tell you:
You are afraid of negative attention, so much so, that you’re causing negative anti-attention. The prospect of rejection is so strong that you continually avert a colorful live you could be living. How does that sound?Not very good I bet.
Just try it it three times. Try doing something outside of your comfort zone three times. The first time will most likely be a red-faced disaster. The second time might be less terrible. The third will feel like cake, and you’ll learn and experience oodles of new reactions and social cues. OR, all three of the times will be absolutely wonderful and you’ll wonder why you never did it in the first place. Either way, you’ll learn something new about yourself, and other people. Believe me, people will surprise you. And, with these three tries, you’ll instill a better habit within yourself.
Think about it this way: You’ll completely regret not knowing what could’ve/would’ve/should’ve happened when you look back at your school memories. I know I’m happier because of what I did. It’s cliche of course, but all this ‘life is short,’ ‘experience everything while you still can’ stuff has a tiny bit of truth to it.
Look, it might be terrible, it might be wonderful. Either way, staying in the dark will do nothing but harm to yourself — and you seem to sense that already. You’re half-way there. Strut that home-stretch and be glad you did.
I’m very sorry to hear that. Self-doubt and attack on self-worth is the worst thing that can happen to the psyche. But kudos for being loyal and keeping your mouth shut when they come to you with their concerns. It would be an injustice to attack them back, because they might not even know they “use” you.
Unfortunately, some people see others as bodies of use. Some are “lunch-date friends,” “party people,” etc. in the eyes of these people. There’s nothing you can do about that. But maybe, on more positive note, they feel comfortable confiding in you — in which case, you should be flattered, because very few people are worthy of trust.
Either way, the sensible thing would be to distance yourself from activities in which you’d feel used; decide for yourself whether being alone or with other people is worth ditching these two. It’ll feel weird as first, but judging these types of situations for what they are will become natural.
Again, it should be principle to remove yourself from situations in which you feel like shit (unless you’re earning something greater in return for all the shit). Your time is much better spent on worth-while things. Don’t let two people and their ill-senses bring you down. The world is much larger than their problems.
One thing I’ve learned is that when terrible things happen to loved ones, the other partner needs time. The person to come immediately after that terrible event is almost always assigned the role of healer. The following act is almost always subject to bias, which is never fair to the relationship.
If healer is too heavy a title to bare for you, you should consider other options. And if you happen to really like this girl, be there for her, but don’t expect a fully functioning relationship — unless this girl is crazy grounded and wise. But that’s most likely not the case…almost all of us are emotionally unstable whether we like to admit it or not.
Be open. Either ask her if she’s ready, or just judge for yourself on whether the baggage is too heavy. Hope this helps.
Before I answer, know that I am very liberal (like 99% of Tumblr). To that end, I believe that answers to sexuality are very simple.
If you find yourself attracted to girls and envision yourself with girls in the future, then you are oriented towards girls. The fact that you actively turn down guys and still hold on to this idea of being straight suggests that you’re holding on to an old expectation, an old fear — and that fear may be justified. It’s scary realizing you’re different. In a perfect world, it shouldn’t be, but Earth is far from perfect.
Though it may be scary accepting your personal differences, I firmly believe that it’s a crime to yourself to deny yourself happiness.
You just have to be the one to weigh between living halfsies on life with being straight and having other desires; or exploring all angles of yourself, feeling things you’ve never felt, experiencing things you’ve never experienced, and knowing exactly who you are — at the cost of potentially harsh societal judgement. Both roads are hard, but one will open your mind, and the other one won’t.
So be fearless. And remember you don’t have to pick — no one is making you. If you feel love, spread it, no matter the recipient.
One word: Yes.
Apologies for relating this to the broad and unpredictable journey that is life, but whenever faced with a potential adventure and lesson like this one, all you have to say - should say - is yes.
Think about it: You like this guy, you get to kiss him, and he wants private lessons. The idea that he might not like you is irrelevant. Step away from your fears, insecurities and comfort zone right into those private lessons and get some experience out of it. You have to, anyway. If you don’t, well, play’s ruined. Go for it; you’ll always wonder if you back out.
Just be safe!
Well, judging by your description of you and said guy’s encounters, there isn’t much said between you two. Boys and girls alike do very confusing things towards the opposite sex. Do not be discouraged, and definitely don’t conclude the situation is helpless. Also judging by your description, you’re rather young, so, there’s always time to fix things. Open up a dialogue between you two, and get to know him and his actions better — pretty deserving if you’ve kept an eye on him for a year now.
Thank YOU. My pleasure.
Let’s look at what we know:
-You are occasionally irregular
-You used a condom
-He didn’t go in all the way
-He didn’t cum
-It was your first time
Let’s look at what I don’t know:
-Your partner’s background story
-Your body type
I am not a licensed physician, so I cannot give you concrete answers. But, having been in some sticky (no pun intended) situations myself, with no condom, lots of sex and lots of cumming, I can tell you that you may be being a tad bit paranoid — WHICH IS FINE. Probably for the better.
"Better safe than sorry."
Sperm is hearty, but it dies within minutes — which doesn’t even fully apply, as I understand, there wasn’t much involved. As for your period, your body may be reflecting the changes involved with “the first time (yes, there are actual changes).”
If you’re that worried, you should probably go to a doctor. But, like I said, there have been situations far worse that I, and a large amount of other people have been in, in which the crises were averted. Paranoid — in a serious situation like this — is good, but jumping to baby-momma conclusions are bad. Do your research, and seek help if needed.
P.S. First times are scary, but beautiful. That moment on Valentines Day will become a part of who you are, and it’s natural to jump to conclusions of regret and paranoia. But this is life, and you just experienced quite a significant part of it. Cheers.